To Nano or not to Nano …..That is the question 4/1
I really should do camp. My word count sucks and I am behind on all things. I haven't even signed in to Camelot Drabble in weeks. They must think I've died or something.
Ugh I suck at not being distracted. Too much yarn and streaming makes my word count very smol. Very very smol.
One other reason is Unconventional Courtship is early this year. I spent the morning finding summaries I could use. The last posting date is June 30. I think I could scrape up 1000 words on something by then. Hopefully it will be a decent 1 shot and not another epic WIP.
Sigh pray for me. I'm signing in and giving it a go. This could very well be a disaster but it's not like I have a lot of choice. (Very smol word count is making me anxious.)
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End of the dry spell?
Mar. 17th, 2021 12:33 pmEnd of the dry spell? 3/17
Well I seemed to have found some words again. I don't know how long this will last. I haven't even had a story idea in weeks.
I haven't been signing in on Camelot Drabble either. That tells me I'm almost done with Merlin for good. I need to finish my wips and move on. It's time. I just can't feel or hear them anymore. I thought the rewatch would help but it didn't.
All of my fandoms are feeling dead to me these days. Most of them are off the air. I think that may be the problem.
I need a new fandom. Something I can get excited over and want to write fanfic for. So far the search is going nowhere. I've even been searching on the Prime channels. Maybe another British or even an Australian one. Who knows?
Maybe at the end of the search, I'll decide to just write more original work and let that consume me like fanfic did. I think that would be something good to come out of all the annoyance of being blocked for so long.
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Planning Problems……
Feb. 7th, 2021 12:31 pmPlanning Problems…… 2/7
Sometimes, I look at all the things I need to finish and just cringe. It seems like they are tribbles in the way they multiply. Sorry for the reference but I'm not sure where they all came from.
I need a plan that will keep me on track and keep me from adding to the ever growing file of fic. I don't call it the Pile for nothing. I've been having some trouble focusing again. It's not helping matters at all. That's the reason I need a plan. The plan needs to be simple and easy to follow.
Lets see…...
I could write on odd days and do other creative things on even days.
I could write the first half of the month then be crafty the rest of the month.
I could just stop overthinking and just do it.
I could stop whining and finish my shit before I add more shit to the damn Pile.
Got a little bitchy on that last one. See my point? No focus. No motivation. And a severe lack of Writer's Mojo. Whatever am I going to do?
I guess I'll just have to try and figure this out while I finish that pillow cover. Juat as a matter of reference, I have a pile of unfinished craft stuff too.
I'm just screwed. Totally screwed.
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General Resolutions
Jan. 26th, 2021 05:00 pmStressing Out. 11/12
Nov. 12th, 2020 03:06 pmThe Road to Working My Last Nerve….11/6
Nov. 6th, 2020 02:55 pmIn Which I Witch 11/1
Nov. 1st, 2020 12:40 amI'm not a fluffy witch. I don't go into all the witchy trappings. Don't get me wrong. I like my crystals as much as the next witch but I know that expensive tools won't make me any more magickal than I am. I was taught that the only tools I needed was my intent and my personal power.
I'm a witch on the cheap. I use whatever on hand when I do spell work. I like to make things I use. It gives me a better connection to what I use. If something feels comfortable in your hand, it focuses the flow of magick better. If something is awkward in your hand, it hinders the flow of magick.
Back to the Samhain ritual, I got the downloads and I realized I didn't fit in with this bunch. It's sad because I really wanted to be a part of a group ritual. It's been a while since I enjoyed a focused group energy.
First, I'm a WITCH! You don't need to tell me I'm special or worthy because I'm a witch. I know I'm powerful. I can feel it in my very bones. I could fell my power before I had a name to put to it. No one with true power needs that much reassurance. If you do, you aren't ready to witch. You need to work on your issues first before you try to use your personal power.
Second, spells can't take away bad habits or bad thoughts. Only a conscious decision to change can do that. Focusing on bad things only increases their power. Focus on what you should do or can do to change. Measurable goals are always best instead of vague ones.
I was hoping for a positive energy raising to heal the world not a self centered approach. The world is more in need than a single person. The good of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. That works for real life as well as fiction.
Third, spells should be straight forward and uncomplicated. Spells are like prayers not sideshows. Simple works best. It doesn't confuse the true intent of the spell. If there are too many steps there are too many places where things can go wrong or get confused.
Instead I did a simple ritual on my own. It was short and It gave me peace. I will look forward to the new year with hope.
I'm going to need all the hope I can get. The world is messy right now and it looks like itself going to get messier before it gets better. It has to get better. It can't get much worse. Well…. It can but let's hope it doesn't
Hail to the Ancestors! Blessed Be!
The Apocalypse Cometh…. The Beer Flu
Apr. 9th, 2020 06:55 pmIt's been awhile since there's been a pandemic of any kind. I think the last one was in the early 1920s. Don't quote me on that. I could be wrong. That one was influenza and the death toll was pretty heavy.
Also pandemic is a weird word. It makes me think of panic. Maybe that's the point. It's an epidemic meant to cause panic. Well, take a deep breath and find your courage because you're going to need it to get through this. No panicking allowed.
On a serious note, if you are old as dirt or have any type of breathing or immune system issues, you need to be careful. The Beer Flu thinks you're tasty. This also applies to brand new babies. Pandemics tend to kill the young, the old and the infirm. That's just how they roll. Sadistic bastards!
If you didn't hoard toilet paper and hand sanitizer like your neighbors, don't panic. Remember that's what the Beer Flu wants you to do. So don't. You can always make friends with that crazy prepper with the bunker in his basement next door if you run out of toilet paper. Take them a casserole!
There are simple things you can do to keep yourself safe. Some of them you should always do even without an apocalypse looming.
-Wash your damn hands with hot water and soap. You should be doing that anyway. Why do you need to be told again? Do it before you touch food and after you use the bathroom.
-Don't mess up your makeup! Touching your face, rubbing your eyes, and picking your nose are the Beer Flu's easiest ways in.
-Cover your spray! Cough or sneeze into a tissue or your elbow. It's your responsibility to keep your spray in check. Throw away that tissue and go wash your damn hands.
-Wipe it! Wipe it good! Use a disinfecting wipe on your phone, tablet and computer keyboard. Keep some handy if you share the computer. You may have washed your damn hands but there's always someone who forgets. Don't forget the game controllers and remotes!
-Be like Spock! Vulcans don't shake hands. Keep your hands and other parts of your body to yourself.
-Not today Satan! Cancel all meetings, gatherings, and hook ups that you can. The Beer Flu can't get you if it can't find you. Stay home read a book, stream something or play online games.
-Skype is your friend. If you have to take a meeting, do it online. (P.S. Naked Skype is fun too)
-Eat, Drink, and be Merry! Eat good food. Drink lots of water. Keep your stress level low. Stress lowers your immune response.
Damn! The Beer Flu found you….that sucks!
-If you're sick, get your ass back home and stay there! Nobody wants your germy ass anywhere near them. Go! Now!
-High risk is only fun when it's poker. If you're in one of the high risk categories contact your doctor. Follow the doctor's instructions like your life depends on it. It does.
-Call the Limo. If you have any flu like sickness with severe breathing difficulties or very high fever, call an ambulance. Do this even if you're usually healthy. Beer Flu isn't all that picky. It found you, didn't it?
Stay safe y'all and wash your damn hands!
I want to write a smutty romance novel
Jul. 19th, 2019 12:54 pmYep. You know what I mean. Those books we all secretly read but no one will admit to reading them.
And it's not just m/f couples either. There are smutty same sex books too so don't give me that "I only read m/m or f/f stories". They also have men with big dicks and abs for days and those women with the big boobs that "have never ever done this sort of thing before".
Smutty books come in all flavors so don't try to tell me they don't. We all read them. Don't lie.
The problem is when I start to write a smutty romance novel, my muse comes over and asks where the magical creatures are. When I say there aren't any, she smacks my hands and tells me to make somebody a damn elf or faerie. Hell. She'd be happy with a shapeshifter.
I really need to have a talk with her about the smacking. She's aggressive and a bit cranky. If it's not sci fi or fantasy, she refuses to participate in the creative process. She's a pain in the ass that way.
So you see my problem?
Writing a smutty romance novel is hard for me. One day, I will get my muse to just let write something that doesn't have magical creatures in it. Until then, I will just have to be content with reading all the smutty romance novels I can.
Is there a point to this?
Jan. 3rd, 2019 11:16 pmIs there a point to this?
I wonder why I still do this. I don’t think I’ll ever manage to get published. I believe i have been wasting my time. At least, I feel like i am. It's totally frustrating me.
I write fanfiction all the time. I have regular readers. I have regular commenters. But its fanfiction and there is an interest in that. I'm not sure I could get the same interest in my original fiction.
I write fantasy and science fiction when I’m not writing fanfiction. It's not a really common thing. I like it so that's what I write. It's not everyone's taste. I know but i try to do it well.
I like to create worlds then go on adventures in them. World building is fun. Worlds can be anything and anywhere. Creating characters to go on adventures is fun too. I create creatures of every description from androids to shape shifting aliens.
I've never gotten much interest in my original stuff. Once in a while, I get a comment but that’s rare. If I can't get readers on free sites how am I supposed to get people to pay to read my stuff.
I know that advertisement is important but I don’t know how to even go about it. Where should I advertise? Facebook? Tumblr? Twitter? Twitter? If I use those things then I’m relying on my followers to get the word out. It doesn't seem very effective.
Getting a publisher is another problem. What if no one wants to publish it? I could go the self-publishing route but I have no clue as to how to go about it.
Most writers get an agent but I don’t have money for that. I don’t have money for anything. That's part of the reason that I would like to publish something to get some extra money coming in.
Basically I’m stuck. Why should I bother writing anymore? Because I am compelled by a force greater than my frustration and self-doubt.
Things can bind us like chains to memories and when those memories are of someone who has passed away then those chains are strong. The chains are sometimes broken when the thing that binds us is lost or destroyed but the memory remains.
Holding on to things to keep from fully grieving is unhealthy. I have seen firsthand what that can do to a person. It tears open old wounds over and over again that were never allowed to heal properly. When those things are lost or destroyed the grief is just as fresh as the moment it happened. Sometimes even more painful because the grief is not just for the object but for the memory connected to it.
I'm not saying that objects that hold memories are not important. Memories belong in the past. Moving on is always preferable to living in that past. A tangible object can bind you to a time, a place, or a feeling. When the object is lost it breaks the chain holding us to that feeling. Losing that object wont make you move on unless you want it.
Photos and ticket stubs are an example of this. We can relive a concert or an event that brings up happy feelings. They make us smile and remember the event just as it happened in our minds. These are precious memories but even without the ticket stubs and photos we can still remember the happy event with maybe less detail.
Conversely, a item from a lost love one can bring a memory of the moment they passed from this world. A ring or a pocket watch can take you back to the moment of grief. It's not uncommon to keep an object that once belonged to a love one. it ties us to that person for good or bad and sometimes in grief.
We bond an emotion to a thing. It happens on an unconscious level. Good or bad memories are bonded without regard to which they are. We embed them then we take them out and relive the emotion again and again.
Grief is a strange thing. It never really goes away. We may think we have gotten over the death of a love one but we never do. It hides in the back of our minds waiting to be called up to the front. Waiting to punch us in the gut all over again.
I have a bible marker from my grandfather and when I hold it, it reminds me that he's not here to comfort me to love me. I feel alone just like I did on the day he passed away. I was devastated on that day and I feel that emotion as fresh as the day it happened. I bonded my grief to that bible marker.
It's strange but I feel his presence when I hold that ribbon with his initials. It’s like something of him is still in it. Energy? Soul? I don't know.
The photos that I have of him remind me of happy times but they don’t bring the heavy sadness that the bible marker does. I see him happy and smiling and it makes me remember his hugs and his laughter.
I will never stop grieving him even when that bible marker turns to dust. The feeling might lessen but it will never go away.
Cherish your memories and the objects they are bound to but remember that life is the search for more memories in the future not the ones in the past. Be more conscious of the memories you bond to things.
Personal Responsibility and Safety
Feb. 8th, 2018 02:57 pmWhen you do something stupid, you should expect there to be consequences and when there are you need to be willing to accept them. Sometimes being stupid can cause you to be in danger as well.
Recently a female acquaintance had nude and partially nude photos posted on a website by a male second party. I do not condone his actions but I do not feel she is an innocent victim either.
One of the first things we tell our daughters, granddaughters and nieces is to not send nudes to anyone via email, text or an online messenger. We tell them this for personal safety as well as to instill common decency in them.
These days, photos have encrypted data on them. GPS information, as well as date and time stamps, is encrypted in them. It is not difficult to extract this date and find out where they were taken. There is always a chance that an obsessed person will use that data to come to there and cause harm to the person in the photos.
At the very least nude or partially nude photos are never meant to be shared by people that don’t know each other in real life. If you don’t know someone personally then you should never exchange that kind of material and you should absolutely never do it digitally.
The one thing about the internet is that you can be whoever you want to be. You can be as sweet as sugar on line and be a total bitch in real life or the opposite. No one really knows each other on line.
In that light, you can’t really trust anyone on line. That is why we tell young women not to send nudes to people on line. You can’t trust someone you don’t really know not to take those photos and use them to find you or post them. To think otherwise is more than just naïve, it’s dangerous.
Now back to the female acquaintance, was she a victim? In a way, yes. Could she have avoided being a victim? Absolutely.
She is an adult and didn’t use her best judgement in sending photos to multiple individuals and posting them in group chats. She endangered herself. Now she wants to blame the individuals who posted them on line for hurting her. She refuses to accept her part in it.
Her friends have been supportive but they are not looking at the big picture. They blame the men but not their friend. They fail to see that she was the one that sent the photos and she was the one who needs to take responsibility for her part in all of this.
As I said I don’t condone the actions of the men but I don’t condone her actions either. Neither is blameless in this.