The Pink Journal

"You know it's just a fantasy." She said as she sat down next to him.

He didn't look at her he just kept watch the two kids playing in the grass. "What?"

She sighed. "This happy family thing you created for yourself. It's all fake. She's not your wife and those are not your kids." 

He shrugged. "So what if it is. Just let me have something happy. Can you just do that, please?" 

"If you want something happy then live in the real world and stop pretending. You have kids of your own, what about them?" She nudged him.  

He shook his head. "They hate me. They say I sucked as a dad." 

"These kids might say the same thing. Oh and you were a shit dad. Two words….child support.  You know that thing you never paid." She poked him in the arm  to drive home her point. 

He turned to glare at her. "Shut up."

"It takes more than just being fun to be a dad. You have to be a responsible human. Wouldn't call you that." She turned to face him.

He looked at her and sighed. "Never said I was."

"Please dont mess up these kids like you did your own. They deserve better. She deserves better too." She stood up.

"I know." He leaned back. 

"Then do better for them and your own. Hear me?" She patted him on the shoulder. 

"Yeah." He looked over to the kids playing and sighed. 

(249)

1 MINERVA "MINI" GILFORD

Mini from Kansas is a barista at a local coffee shop. She dreams of becoming a star of the stage. She will tell you that her job is just to pay the rent until she gets her big break.

She hasn't lost her spirit yet but after so many auditions its becoming clear that stardom will always be a dream and not a reality for her.

Her bright smile hasn't dimmed yet but there isn't muck call for green eyed brunettes these day. She refuses to give up and refuses to change her hair color. 

Until then, she will be the best barista she can possibly be. If the acting doesn't work out, she could always manage the coffee shop.

(120)

2 REGINA "REGGIE" DONNER

Fresh faced and freckled farm girl Reggie always tries to see the good in everyone. The problem is she can see more than what's on the surface.

Her granny calls it the gift bur Reggie thinks of it as more of a curse. Every generation in her family has had that one woman who had the gift. Reggie was the unwilling recipient of her generation.

Soon she will have to leave the farm and find her place in the big world. It wasn't her choice to leave. She would gladly stay among the cows and chickens forever but the farm was failing and her father had decided to throw in the towel. 

She had no idea what the world was like and what she was going to be in it. She wanted to use her gift for good but how would she cope when there would be so many people hiding their true selves from the world

(157)

3 HARRY REDMOND

Everyone knows Harry. He's the guy that can find you anything as long as you don't ask where it came from.

He has connections. A cousin or a friend of a friend. Its always vague and there are never any names.

The cops tried to turn him into a snitch but Harry wasn't about to talk. He may not be big time yet but he'd never get anywhere if he told tales. Well, he'd get six foot under.

Some say he's the illegitimate grandson of the local mob boss. Others think he is a common hustler. When you ask Harry, he will just grin and keep silent. A guy has to keep his secrets after all.

(116)

4 COOPER BOND

A dancer at a gentlemans club. Tall blonde and blue eyed, she is a crowd favorite. Topless is all she goes for never a private dance in the back room.

She enjoys a good time but never with the customers. In here off hours, she looks like a kindergarten teacher. She even toyed with the idea of going to college and getting her degree. She realized her past would come back to haunt her. 

She won't do this forever.but for now the bills are paid and she manages to put a little away. She has a few ideas about what he wants to do foe the future. It will take some planning but that's for another day. Today she has to dance for her supper. 

(126)

5 HARRIET "HATTIE" KLINE

Hattie sat at her dressing table and looked into the mirror. The grey streaked through her dark brown hair. She wondered where the years had gone. She used to be so beautiful but that was years ago. The lines were creeping into her face.

Here she sat, beauty gone, years passed, and alone. 

She picked up her hairbrush and started to brush her hair. There were going to be changes soon. Just what changes there were going to be, she wasn't sure. 

Maybe she would try ballroom dancing. Isn't that where a lady of a certain age found companionship? She laughed zoftly. Just when did she consider herself a lady of a certain age? 

Companionship is about all she could hope for now. Her time of hoping for a husband and family was over now. Unless she changes her life, she will die alone; an old wrinkled spinster. 

(148)

Winter is getting harder every year. The cold. The bills. The darkness. The weather.  I have lived more than half a century and it never gets better.

The Cold…..

I have never liked the cold. Not even when I was a child. I could never get warm enough. Now, I feel it in my bones. It feels like deep hard cold causing pain and stiffness. I'll not be warm again until June, maybe July.

The Bills..

I don't get any assistance such as food stamps or energy assistance. In the winter my electric bill more than triples. It means there's no money for food and barely money for the other bills. I don't like being so tight with money. Until I marry a rich husband, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The Darkness..

Darkness reminds me that I could be blind soon. With this looming over my head I mourn the sunsets and rejoice in the sunrises. That's cheesy but very true.

The Weather….

I hate snow and ice. I don't see anything pretty in them. It's just more of Winter's chilly fingers reaching out to grab me. It catches me more frequently than I'd like.

Give me Summer with its warm long days as soon as possible. In the next ten minutes would be lovely.

(224)

This year I'm going to do something different. Im not going to have any set goals. Nope, no long list of fests big bangs and Nano promises. This is going to be my start over year. 

This year, I will fall in love with my characters. I will create new ones and rediscover some old ones. I will make them my friends and go on adventures with them.

I will organize all the little bits and combine them into bigger stories. Wylding Manor and Hastings P.I. are all in bits. I need to get them organized and fill in the spaces. Ogham-Duir has been needing this for a while as well. 

I'm going to explore new fandoms. Even if I only write one scene or a drabble, it will be something fresh and new. I need to write something that excites me. Ive gotten myself into a fandom rut and I need to get out of it.

This year I will learn about self publishing and I may even publish something. I have a few things I've been sitting on. Maybe its time to take the leap.

I will make more of an effort to write even though my word count goal is only 75K. I used to write 300K. I should be able to get this done without even trying but my lack of enthusiasm has killed my word count, possibly my confidence as well. 

That's enough for this year. Let's see if I get any of it done. Here's hoping.

(257)

I decided not to sign in for Nano this November. I might not make my yearly word count and I dont want to make myself even more disappointed.

This year I have no motivation to write at all. I don't know if its because of my increasing difficulty seeing or my odd need to craft. Ive only made it through half of my words for this year. 

I keep whining about my lack of motivation yet I have done little to get my self motivated. So...no Nano for me...this year.

(97)

I'm almost caught up on my nano words but Im still more than 1K short. Its going to be a long month. I know I can do it its just time consuming and giving me a headache from using the tablet so much.

I'll write as much as I can but there are other things I want to do as well. One knit along just finished and a crochet along is about to begin. Summer stitching is a thing it seems. I have kits coming and unfinished projects in the tote too. 

At this point sleeping is an option. Sigh. I do this to myself every time. I must be a glutton for punishment. 

121

I'm going to Camp 7/1

So I haven't been writing for a few months. I know bad bad writer. In my defense, have been crafting. Now I'm in a hole with my word count. So off to Camp Nano I go.

That's not the worst part, I haven't signed in at CD in a few months. I bet they think I died or something. (Nope, just my will to write Merlin is dead.) I hope the yearly bingo happens so I can prove I haven't died. (Yeah, I know that's sad.) No land comm stuff or Unconventional Courtship either. That's really bad. I usually always have something going. 

I just don't want to write…..but the word count is the word count. So I must go to Camp to rectify my lazy ass habits. Time to put those knitting needles and crochet hooks down and write some shit. 

(147)

Goal 10k

Week 1: 2297

Week 2: 2533

Week 3: 586

Week 4: 2749

Week 5: 0

Total Words: 8165

Finished:

Blog posts: 2

GYWO Yahtzee Prompts: 3

Camelot Drabble Prompts: #421 #446, #447, #448, #449, #451, #452, #453, #454, #455, #456

GYWO March Challenge. 

GYWO Roll-A-Prompt #434 #266

Worked on:

Warlock's Secret (Merlin-UC?)

Thoughts:

So I got distracted again. Sigh. I did try at the end to catch up. 80% is better than nothing but I should have done better. 

I'm so far behind I don't know if I'm ever going to catch up. I need to put the yarn and the smutmance novels down and write my ass off. Will that 

happen? Maybe not.

I didn't set a high goal for this session but I think I will have to for the July 

session just to get me caught up. 

(146)

Prompt: Rustle

WC: 200 

Cedrick opened the black velvet box as he sat at his desk. He smiled when he looked at the diamond and sapphire necklace and earrings inside.

It was their anniversary in a few days. He couldn't believe how fast the year had gone by. It seemed like just yesterday they were discussing wedding plans. 

There was the rustle of silk skirts coming closer. Violet must be looking for him.

Cedrick closed the box and put it in the bottom drawer then locked it with the key.

He had just dropped the key into the top drawer when Violet walked in.  

Violet walked in and leaned against the desk. "Ced, are you finished with the accounts? We have guests coming for dinner and you need to change." 

"Just finishing up." Cedrick stood up and gave her a quick kiss. "Walk me up and tell me about the party plans for our anniversary."  

Violet gave him a questioning look. "Since when do you care about parties?" 

Cedrick shrugged. "It's our anniversary. I assume there will be a cake of some kind. Champagne." 

"Of course silly!"  Violet linked her arm around his. "There can't be a party without cake and champagne. And you too!"

X